he and his girl, henrietta, were super happy strolling the forest together. until one day she decided she'd rather go mushroom picking with his best mate, hans.
oh, poor harry was devasted! for days on end he just laid in bed, feeling all sad and blue, eating nothing but chocolate.
but little did harry know this was no ordinary comfort treat. no, it was a bitter sweet piece of magic!
when harry finally got out of bed, on that misty tuesday morning, the reflection in the mirror shocked him. the chocolate he's been drowning his sorrow in has made his beard grow all long and thick and shiny with glitter!
"oh, dear, oh my, oh no", harry cried, "all the fellas are gonna make fun of me now, i look like a clown."
and so, off to the barbershop harry rushed. soon along the way he began to notice a strange commotion. for, you see, he couldn't just sneak through the village unseen. that giant mushy beard of his glowed like a lantern through the mist.
it was the ladies, a whole bunch of them, and they were following harry all amazed and bedazzled. "oh, wow, look at that mighty beard", you could hear them gasp. "harry, you're so cool and hype! can i scratch your man hair?"
from that day on, harry was known as the coolest hipster in all the forest and never had no lady problems ever again.
* disclaimer: all characters and events of this story are fictional. the author in no way encourages humans who wish to grow excess shiny facial hair to consume large quantities of chocolate vulgaris- tests have shown that doing so results only in pimples, constipation and weight gain.